Gift Guide: Hailstones and Halibut Bones

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Here is another book my kids love: Hailstones and Halibut Bones. As it states on the cover, it is best described as “Adventures in Poetry and Color.” It is a collection of Mary O’Neill’s poems about colors, illustrated by John Wallner. Katherine and Clara love for us to read from this book before bed, and we usually let them each pick one color. 

The last poem in the book gives a nice summary of what the color poems express.

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And because I can’t chose which color poem I love best, I’ll share “White.”

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This book would make a perfect gift for anyone of any age. 

Compassion Parenting

The other day I was out and about with Clara and Alexandra. At the check out counter in a store, a man observed Clara helping me unload our basket, while Alexandra watched from the Ergo. He asked Clara if she was the big sister. “No,” replied Clara. “Katherine is the big sister.”

It dawned on me that Clara may not appreciate her position in the middle. From my point of view, coming from a two-sibling family, she occupies the fortunate place as both big sister and little sister. What could be better?!  But to her, she may be neither. She does not hold the “big sister” title, and she has lost her place as the youngest, a displacement that coincides with her natural transition from toddler and girl.

As is typical of age three, she is now more little girl than toddler, though she still switches between the two regularly, seeking more independence, but not quite ready to let go of the benefits of a close attachment to me. One moment she wants to do it by herself, like Katherine, the next she is Alexandra, crawling on the floor. In the midst of this transition, as I remember well from Katherine’s third year, she is making sure we know it is still our job as parents to take care of her and keep her safe. She is testing us. Constantly. 

But of course it is very different than it was the first time around. With Katherine, I was coming off a beautiful first two years during which I had the time, energy, and patience to parent exactly as I pleased, with no distractions or competing factors. This time, I am also caring for a 5-year-old and an infant. I find myself addressing Clara’s behavior as I would Katherine’s, offering a consequence that is too complex for a three-year-old; or not following through with an appropriate consequence because I am mid diaper change. 

It’s no wonder, then, why Clara continues to slam the door, or draw on the furniture with crayon, or throw her food on the floor. She is looking to me for a solid, direct response, an “I see you and I am here to take care of you” response.

Removed from the situation, I know exactly how I would like to address her actions: age-appropriate consequences communicated calmly, kindly, and firmly. But in the moment I struggle to suppress the frustration, the Why can’t you just response that is so easy to throw out in the midst of the chaos. I let frustration overrule compassion. And Clara calls me on it, slamming the door again, even harder, then smiling at me for good measure.

Compassion. The key sentiment in effective parenting. When I take a moment to step back and slow down (doesn’t it always come back to slowing down?) I see Clara’s behavior in all its three-year-old charm. I feel pride in her mischievous grin as she blatantly disobeys. I admire her sense of humor as she teases Katherine. And I feel compassion for her place between being baby and girl, little sister and big sister. Suddenly, I am connected to her again, and no matter what she does, she’s just doing what all three-year-olds are supposed to do. She’s making sure I am parenting her.

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A Waldorf Birthday Celebration

Seventeen children sit in little wooden chairs, their cheeks rosy from the cold outside. Muffled sounds of feet shuffling and chairs creaking warm the room as they fidget and settle into their places, but no one talks. They are waiting for the birthday celebration to begin. The teacher walks Katherine into the classroom, gently wraps a white silk around her shoulders, and begins the birthday story. 

A big angel and a little angel are playing catch with a ball. The big angel throws the ball, but the little angel misses it, and the ball falls through the clouds, leaving a hole for the little angel to look through. Peeking down through the clouds, the little angel sees Earth. She realizes her work in the houses of the stars is done. She is ready to go to Earth. The big angel travels with the little angel around the world in search of her parents. They see a family in a cold, wintry land; They look very nice, but they are not my parents, says the little angel. They see a family in the cobbled streets of Paris; They look very nice, but they are not my parents, says the little angel. They see a family in the hot sun, on a beach by the sparkling blue ocean; They look very nice, but they are not my parents, says the little angel. The little angel begins to feel sad that she has not found her parents. But then, the big angel and little angel see a mom and a dad waiting for their child, and the little angel recognizes them right away as her parents. The big angel removes the little angel’s wings and carefully sets them aside; she will need them again when she is done on Earth. The little angel happily crosses over the Rainbow Bridge into the arms of her loving parents. Her name will be Katherine. 

Katherine walks across the rainbow silk laid out in the middle of the circle and sits in her chair in between us and her two sisters. Her face is bright with joy. The teacher lights five candles as we share a memory from each year of her life.

When Katherine was born… We snuggled her into the wrap and went for long walks around the capitol.

When Katherine was one… She loved to help dad make pizza, kneading the dough and shaping it into a ball, then flattening it into a crust.

When Katherine was was two… She enjoyed outings to the Botanic Gardens where she played in the children’s garden, splashing in the fountains.

When Katherine was three… She and her sister played together, Katherine can make Clara laugh better than anyone else.

When Katherine was four… She went on a special mother-daughter trip to Boston to visit Auntie M. She got to ride the T.

When Katherine was five… She loved swimming with her friend in the pool.

And now Katherine is six. A happy birthday song.

Happy birthday, happy birthday, we love you.

Happy birthday, happy birthday, hope your dreams come true.

When you blow out the candles, there is one that stays aglow.

That’s the one that’s in your heart wherever you may go.

Happy birthday, happy birthday, we love you.

Katherine opens the gift from her teachers, a yellow felted sack with six marbles. She walks around the circle, showing each of her classmates her new treasures. The children admire the marbles and point out their favorites. Then it is time for the birthday snack of fruit salad, whipped cream, and walnuts.

It was a perfect celebration. A roomful of children listening intently, quietly, to the birthday story, sharing in Katherine’s joy as she traveled around the circle and across the bridge to her family. The wonder and beauty the teachers create is just as it should be for our five - now six - year old.

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Gift Guide: Shooting Stars

I am not a crafty person (in either skill or desire). I tend to like the idea of making things more than the reality of it. But every once in a while I’ll come across a project I think I can handle and give it a try… and sometimes it turns out.

My latest project has been shooting stars and they have been a big hit. Katherine made one in her kindergarden class last year, which is where I got the idea (and if a five-year-old can make it, then that usually means I can too). They are great for birthday party favors, and they would make a perfect stocking stuffer. 

Here is my attempt at a tutorial.

Step 1: Gather materials (two felt circles and a star, 3-4 strands of ribbon, split peas, needle and thread).

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Step 2: Sew star onto one cirlce

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Step 3: Sew two circles together (inside out) leaving a 1-2 inch opening; tack ribbons to circle at opening

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Step 4: Turn right side out and fill with split peas

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Step 5: Sew together

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Quick and easy!

You can also leave off the ribbons and just make bean bags. My kids love to fill bags with bean bags - I think they like the weight. There must be something about hauling around a heavy bag that is satisfying.

Perspective

Monday came and went and it was nothing to worry about. The tension of waiting has dissolved and a bad day is once again defined by trivial inconveniences, the cat throwing up on our bed, running out of coffee beans, a tantrum about getting dressed. But I am not rolling my eyes “at how worked up I let myself get” and I will not simply “go back to my old life.” My perspective has changed.

Head over to Mamalode to read the rest… a little follow up to Most likely, it’s nothing.

Gift Guide & Give Away!

A few years ago our friend Emily gave Katherine this placemat for her birthday. (I should note here that every year I ask Emily what she is planning to get for her kids, then I copy her)

The next year, we ordered several more for Christmas. The kids love the artwork and often spend those last few minutes before dinner is served absorbed (and quiet!) in the scenes. Plus, the placemats are easy to clean and, two years later, they are still as good as new. 

This year, Natasha (the artist) and I are hosting a giveaway. To enter, leave a comment with one of your favorite holiday traditions. On December 1st, I will randomly select two winners to receive one of Natasha’s placemats.

Here are some of her other designs:

If you would like to place your own order, you can email Natasha at: tashebe79 at yahoo dot com.

Not-so-sweet pecan pie

Have I mentioned that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday? I love our family’s traditions - cooking and baking, a long walk, dinner with family and friends, a fire in the fireplace, and multiple desserts, including pumpkin pie, which my mom and I enjoy again for breakfast the next morning. I love that it is a national holiday, but not a religious holiday, that centers around family, food, reflection, and thankfulness. Also, no gifts. 

This year I’m in charge of the pecan pie. After pumpkin pie, pecan is my favorite, but I admit I don’t really like the super sugary, gooey variety. So I have modified the standard recipe that calls for corn syrup and sugar, and replaced them with a little maple syrup and dark chocolate (because everything is better with chocolate anyway). It keeps the pecan-ness of the pie, complimented by chocolate, so that those of us who can’t handle the high sugar load can enjoy it.

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Recipe

1 cup pecans, toasted and ground until smooth

4 eggs

2/3 cup maple syrup

3 tablespoons butter

2 teaspoons vanilla

1 cup (whole or halved) pecans

Dark chocolate chips (1/3 -1/2 cup)

Pie crust

Whisk eggs and maple syrup. Add melted butter, vanilla, and ground pecans. Sprinke chocolate chips on bottom of pie crust. Place (whole or halved) pecans on top of chips, covering botton of crust. Pour filling on top. Bake at 350 for 40 minutes, then reduce heat to 325 and bake about 40 minutes more until filling is set.

Rocker Board

[Part of a mini-series on gifts for the holidays]

Santa brought this rocker board for the girls last year.

I’d say it gets more play than anything else in our home. In addition to the wild rocking across the room, here are some of the ways the kids play with (on) it.

I’ve also seen it used as a boat, puppet show stage, wall for a house, seesaw, cradle, checkout counter at a grocery store, and car racing track/jump. The possibilities are endless. 

It makes a great gift, and because kids of all ages will enjoy it, it can be the gift, as in, one gift for all kids. What could be better?!

We got ours through Bella Luna Toys, a wonderful store with beautiful, natural toys. (Also a great place to send relatives during the holiday season!)

Lantern Walk

This evening was Katherine’s lantern walk. At our old school, we would gather in a park and walk through the city-lit neighborhood, sharing with the greater community. At our new school, we walk in the darkness through the apple orchard and meadow. Two very different experiences, both beautiful and simple. I love the long line of lanterns, flickering about a foot off the ground as the preschool and kindergarten children walk along, singing the lantern song. This is one of my (many) favorite Waldorf traditions.

I go with my bright little lantern
My lantern is going with me.
In heaven the stars are shining,
On Earth shines my lanter for me.
The light grows dim as we go in
La bimbala bambala bay.

And then home to a warm dinner.

Gift Guide

In total defiance of my “Pacing the Holiday Season” post where I claim to ignore all things Christmas until December 1st, I am starting a mini series on simple gift ideas. I justify this by acknowledging that most people (a) enjoy looking ahead to Christmas/Hanukkah in November, and (b) don’t wait until the last minute to go into a Christmas/Hannukah shopping/making frenzy. 

Each week for the next several weeks I will post about a toy, book, or homemade something that we ourselves have enjoyed receiving/giving. I will even offer my first ever “giveaway”!

The first gift idea is a book my children enjoy all year round: A Child’s Calendar, with John Updike’s poems and Trina Schart Hyman’s illustrations. The poems capture the essence of each month of the year, and I’m pretty sure the pictures depict Vermont.

I especially love November:

November

The stripped and shapely 
     Maple grieves
The loss of her
     Departed leaves.

The ground is hard,
     As hard as stone.
The year is old,
     The birds are flown.

And yet the world,
     Nevertheless,
Displays a certain 
     Loveliness-

The beauty of 
     The bone. Tall God
Must see our souls
     This way, and nod.

Give thanks: we do,
     Each in his place
Around the table
     During grace.

Most likely, it's nothing

It’s nothing. Most likely it’s nothing. I tell myself for the hundredth time. I take a deep breath and move on. 

Five minutes later, I pause to look at my middle daughter, with her beautiful, smooth hair hanging straight. The kind of hair I’ve always longed for. She swings it off her face with a slight jerk of her head and catches me watching her. She smiles slowly. I’m never quite sure what she is thinking. She seems so tough, her thoughts are well hidden. But I am her mom and I know there is a depth in her that she doesn’t let surface for others to see. 

I suddenly feel like shrieking, She needs me! I have to be here for her.

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Pacing the Holiday Season

November is here, the days are decidedly shorter and the sunlight thinner, bringing a chill with its warmth. November makes me happy, though. It holds all the anticipation of the holidays without any obligation or expectation. This brief moment on the edge of the season is when I feel most festive. As Christmas approaches, I find myself struggling to find my holiday spirit, feeling simultaneously overwhelmed (and disappointed) by the commercialization of the season and anticipating its abrupt end on the 26th, with only New Years to mark one final day off before the long haul until spring begins. 

Gloomy, I know. But I have found it helps to spread out our family traditions over the all three months, November, December, and into January. Most importantly, we want the season to be more than a two-month long build up to Christmas morning. Last year we made an effort to pace the build-up and minimize the let-down, and I think we all savored the season a little more. This year I hope to do so even more.

I am making an effort to pause and fully enjoy these first few weeks of November. This means completely ignoring the mass media focus on Christmas that tries to overrun Thanksgiving by bombarding everyone with “buy-more-crap-so-you-can-have-a-merrier-Christmas” advertising. Actually, that is not true. I go off on a good, long rant about consumerism, the loss of true holiday spirit, and how when I was a kid Christmas did not start a day before December 1st. Once that is out of my system, I completely tune out all mention of Christmas, including my kids’ begging me to play carols and bring out the Christmas books, and I enjoy November. A lantern walk, making candles, Thanksgiving, Katherine’s birthday.  

Then it is December and talk of Christmas is welcome. But even now, I try to make the holiday activities span the entire month. Baking cookies happens early in the month, making ornaments and Christmas tree decorating is mid-month, and gift shopping/making is usually a last minute frenzy born out of procrastination and indecision. One of our favorite activities, ginger bread houses, is saved for after the 25th. It is a three-day process (making the ginger bread, building the house, decorating the house) that fills the week of the 26th. We all look forward to it and it carries me through the days that have always felt rather empty and listless. New Year’s Day will be a family hike. 

I’m not quite sure how to spread holiday activities into January. I’m thinking maybe January will be bread making month, starting out with my mom’s delicious New Year’s bread (which every year I vow to make, and then never do), and then trying a new holiday-ish recipe each week. I just saw a Chai-Spiced Tea Loaf recipe…

And now that we live in Vermont, we’re looking forward to outdoor winter activities. For Katherine and Clara, that means ice skating (on a pond, for free) and sledding. For me, it means snowshoeing.  For Alexandra, it means riding on my back while I snowshoe. For Dave, it means shoveling snow (which is what he gets for looking at me blankly and then ignoring my question when I asked what winter activities he is looking forward to).

Halloween Costumes Part II

The costumes were completed today, just in time. The twirly skirt, as expected, was not twirly, but the poofy, orange mesh more than made up for it. The Green Puppy Dog turned out better than expected considering I put off making the ears, paws, and tail (basically, the entire costume) until late last night. 

Here they are, the witch anxiously awaiting her friend, 

while walking the puppy.

I love Halloween. I love the creativity of costume making and pumpkin carving, the magic of going out after dark, and the fact that it is totally normal to go around to strangers’ houses and ask for - and receive - candy. I love visiting neighbors and seeing friends’ children all dressed up. I love the sense of community. I love (being) the Halloween Fairy, who comes and trades most of the candy for a few special gifts. I’m not sure how long that will last, though, since Clara claimed tonight that she wanted the Fairy to visit Katherine, but not her.

And finally, I love that Halloween feels like the kickoff into the winter season. 

Happy Halloween. Welcome November.