Balancing the Wish List

Balancing the Wish List

Usually, I’m the queen of “less is more” and firmly believe the path to happiness is less stuff. My husband, Dave, and I have always been a no-dryer-one-small-car-no-microwave kind of family. My kids each get one drawer in the three-drawer dresser they share. Anything that piles up is deemed clutter and has to go. Our minimalist mentality – as harsh as it may seem - was a necessity during the first ten years of our relationship. With little money and a tiny city apartment, we simply couldn’t have a lot of stuff.  But now that we live in a house that has closets and a basement, our minimalism is optional and I suddenly find myself making list after list of things I want, including the dreaded second, bigger, car.

A year ago, I’d nix the wishes on the wish list before they even made their way onto paper. Any offers from friends that started with a “We have an extra…” were met with a resounding “No, thanks.” My mom finally accepted that gifts to us should be perishable, preferably in the form of chocolate or coffee. Now, not only are my wishes going down on the wish list, the fulfillment of one simply triggers the next.

This cycle started out naturally enough when the whirlwind of moving twice within a year put us in a high-energy mode that didn’t shut off when we finally landed in our empty, new-to-us house this summer. Bursting with ideas on how to turn this house into our home, we refocused our energy on settling in. First it was major cleaning projects to clear out spider webs and scrub away the previous owners’ grime. Then we turned to standard purchases, like a child-gate for around the wood stove and gardening tools, having never had either a wood stove or a garden. From there, little home improvement projects sprouted up in every room: curtains here, better lighting there, replace the rotting window frame, put up a screen door… Now, I find myself in the habit of walking from room to room and only seeing things I want to fix, change, or buy. But the wish list extends beyond home improvement. My excitement for snow season has triggered a whole slew of new wants: cross-country skis, after all, the ski trail is right across the road; snow shoes for my seven year old; oh, and what if we made an ice rink in our backyard, the kids would love it! Before long, I’ve wasted an hour researching backyard ice rinks and have made out a list of materials we’ll need for it, including ice skates for all three kids. We won’t actually do it because we’re on a tight budget, but I’ll want it.

I don’t think wanting is necessarily a bad thing. After all, the absence of want, also called hope in some cases, is a symptom of depression. Wanting is healthy, and it can inspire creativity and resourcefulness. We don’t want to spend money on curtains, but I can figure out how to make new ones from old ones, and my children get to watch me struggle through the process of measuring, piecing together fabric, and sewing straight hems. When I proudly hang the slightly lopsided curtains, my oldest asks if she can make something using the sewing machine. Christmas lights, not fancy track lights, now brighten our kitchen – it looks a bit funny now that the holidays are over, but I can see while I chop vegetables.

But an endless wanting of stuff clashes with my minimalist values, and I worry that my infinite wish list is preventing me from enjoying what I already have. Instead of appreciating our new home in the country, I fret about how to manage carpooling with one small car and three children. The warped window frames overshadow the beautiful view from the sun porch, and I look past the 160-year-old wooden beamed ceilings and all the history they carry.

Perhaps I need to figure out that balance of simply living in our home as it is, and planning – pacing – changes over the next twenty years. After all, we hope to be here at least that long, so what’s the rush? Adding bit by bit will make it sweeter than hurrying to reach the end state as soon as possible. The kids will enjoy a backyard ice rink just as much, if not more, in five years. Besides, they are perfectly content with sledding this year, and I can be too.

But a second, bigger car? Well, some things may fall into the necessity category that we give in to sooner rather than later.

Little Skier

From Soulemama: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Green House

As we wait in the bitter cold temperatures for winter to really start (you know, with that big dump of snow I'm always hoping for), I decided to check out what was going on in the greenhouse. Well, it wasn't warm in there, but it wasn't frigid cold, and it smelled like fresh earth - a total contrast to the stark, empty smell of ice and snow. I usually don't mind the sharp winter air, especially on sunny days when everything seems to glitter, but that little reminder that spring is close, just tucked under the old crunchy snow, was very reassuring.

It also occurred to me that a certain little sister would love to dig in all that dirt. The snow can be tough for little fingers trapped in bulky mittens, especially when big sister playmates are off building sledding jumps and cross country skiing around the yard. And with little sister's birthday coming up… perhaps a winter mud party in the greenhouse? 

This moment: Big Sister Goes for a Snow Shoe

From Soulemama: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

This moment: In the cold

From Soulemama: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Cold

"There is no such thing as poor weather, just poor dressing." I've been reminding myself of this a lot lately, especially with days on end of 33 degrees and icy rain, and now -20 degrees plus an even colder windchill. That's pretty close to what I would call "poor weather", if there were such a thing.

My kids don't really care. They're happy to slip and slide on the sheet of ice that used to be our yard and driveway, and getting soaked and/or frozen gives them a strong case for hot cocoa - with marshmallows - when they come in. I like to think I don't mind the cold either. Long underwear, warm socks, hand and foot warmers, and my mom's 40-year-old down coat that I took over years ago usually keep me warm. But only if I stay moving, as in a very brisk (bordering on jog) snowshoe through the woods. Standing around outside while my almost two-year-old trudges along at .2 miles per hour, as cute as it is, does not keep me warm. So for myself, I've been choosing inside over outside.

Of course, it's cold inside too. The kids have been scraping ice off the insides of their bedroom windows each morning. I've come very close to giving the wood stove a big hug, it is so inviting. And coffee has become more than a once-a-day caffeine friend. It is a major source of warmth. I suppose there is no reason I can't have both of these things outside too. Standing around a winter bonfire with thermos in hand might actually be quite pleasant… But then again, look at Alfred cat. I'm pretty sure he's saying I should give up this crazy talk of going outside and curl up next to him for a while.

This moment: Window walking

Ok, this week the picture needs some explanation. Dave and I were sitting in the living room discussing fun stuff like furniture rearrangement and carpool logistics; Clara and Alexandra were playing in their room. Suddenly we realized it was a bit too quiet, so we went to check on them. This is what we found:

Yes, Alexandra is walking along the window sill in order to somersault into her bed. While Dave went to get the camera, I lectured the kids on how they are not to do that anymore. Then we had them do it one more time so we could take a picture, then told them firmly that they were not to do that anymore. 

But they were having so much fun, and really, is it that dangerous? Nah. So with a few pillows on the floor, they are having the time of their life in there. 

Pace

A lot of people start out the New Year with a word in mind; something along the lines of a resolution or theme for the year. This year I'm going to play along… and my word is pace. As in, I'm going to focus on pacing myself. A typical Type A personality, I have a habit of taking on more than I can handle, and then taking great pleasure out of organizing everything into a carefully crafted albeit logistically complex schedule that tends to leave me feeling overwhelmed.

I know from experience that it isn't realistic to limit what I take on - I could never choose what to cut out even if I tried - but I can try to pace myself. I'm not quite sure what pacing myself looks like yet, but I'm hoping that if I keep the word in mind, I'll figure it out. As I work on the first 'carefully crafted complex schedule' of the season, which involves juggling new jobs, more volunteer work, extra writing, home improvement projects, and preserving time for outdoor activities (snow shoeing!), I think the first step is to realize that I don't have to do everything all at the same time. In other words, one thing at a time...

This moment: giggles

From Soulemama: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Choosing chores over children

Sometimes I Choose Chores

“Will you sit and knit with me, Mama?” my seven-year-old asks.  A request to melt any mama’s heart.  Yet I reply with a list of morning chores I have to do, trying to keep my tone neutral so as not to also say, “See how much work I have? See how hard my life is?”  The dirty cloth diaper needs to be rinsed out – the sooner the better.  The breakfast dishes are piled on the counter, soggy cereal drying to the sides of the bowls.  It will be annoying to have to scrape it off later when I can just rinse them out now.  Crumbs are everywhere on the floor – if I don’t sweep, the mice will come.  I have a small window to get it all done after one meal and before the next, especially since a large percentage of that time will be spent changing (more) diapers, wiping butts, helping with sips of water, tying on capes, and kissing bumps and scrapes.

“Help me sweep the floor,” I say to Katherine, “then I’ll be finished sooner and we’ll have time to knit.”  She frowns, “I don’t want to sweep.”  Not wanting to engage in a battle over sweeping by holding her to my request, I let it go, shrugging.  She hovers around me as I go about cleaning up, like a puppy underfoot.  My mind drifts to Ma in the Laura Ingalls Wilder books.  We’re reading On the Banks of Plum Creek at bedtime and the story is fresh in my mind.  I am intrigued by the strong rhythm of their daily chores, children who help without being asked, the simplicity of survival on the harsh prairie.

I don’t long to milk a cow at dawn, or polish the stove, or do the laundry by hand, day after day after day.  The combination of obligation and monotony would not outweigh the benefits of its simplicity, at least not for me.  But there is something to be said for a routine that never waivers, and upon which survival depends.  If I don’t clean the poopy diaper or rinse out the dishes first thing in the morning, scalding hot water and anti-bacterial soap will kill whatever grows in the meantime. Therefore, it is easy to feel the guilt of pushing my children aside.  I don’t really need to do the dishes right now, but I sort of wish I did.

All the slogans about choosing laughter over squeaky-clean floors and messy kitchens being happy kitchens let us off the hook.  Choose your children over household duties.  There will always be laundry, but your toddler will grow up.  I don’t disagree - but what if I want to do the dishes and put things away?  Piles of stuff distract me and I function better all around when my surroundings are sparse.  So I’m torn between wanting to do household chores and cherishing every moment of my daughters’ one-, four-, and seven-year-oldness.

But just the other day, I had a rare morning alone with Katherine thanks to a dual play date for her two sisters.  “Knit with me,” she implored as soon as they were out the door.  I surveyed the mess and sighed. “Let me clean up, then we’ll knit. We’ll have time,” I promised.  She scampered off to her room and I powered through the chores, in total, uninterrupted, quiet.  Twenty minutes later she reappeared. “I neatened my room, Mom.  Are you ready to knit?”  I was.

It dawned on me, as I snuggled down on the couch with her, as promised, that I am still in the throes of early childhood, when needs run high, interruptions are constant, and just underneath the surface of all their cuteness, my kids can be exasperating.  But my morning alone with Katherine was a reality check, a glimpse of what the future will be with children who can wipe their own butts, get their own drink of water, and tie on their own dress-up clothes.

Maybe I’ll make it through without Ma’s strict cleaning schedule.  Or maybe that wouldn’t help anyway.  After all, Ma only had one small room to keep clean and could fit all of the family’s possessions in a covered wagon.  Besides, for all we know, she may have been just as exasperated as I am, and that sentiment simply isn’t captured in the books because it was written by her child.

Regardless, I’m hanging onto hope that one day my three daughters and I will happily knit together by the fire. In the meantime, to give myself permission to do chores, I may paint across my kitchen wall: Clear counters keep me calm. 

Puzzles and Pie

On this last Sunday before it all starts up again, I decided it was a pie-for-breakfast kind of day. So as soon as the kids excused themselves from the table and settled in with a bunch of puzzles by the fire, I served myself a piece of spicy pumpkin pie. We didn’t end up having pumpkin pie on Christmas because someone forgot to tell someone else to buy evaporated milk, so I’ve been waiting for the right moment to make it. Of course any old day is a good day for pie, but the end of winter break – a lovely two weeks of lazy mornings, no school drop-offs or pick-ups, and pjs all day – seemed like just right time. So pumpkin pie for breakfast it was.

One by one the girls noticed the pie and migrated back to the table for a sliver of their own, and Dave and I gave in to “second coffee”, which we try to limit to special occasions. Like pie-for-breakfast day.

It was a lovely, peaceful morning with perfect children and a perfect breakfast.

But in the interest of keeping it real, I should report that our lovely, peaceful morning of perfect children and perfect breakfast dissolved by about 9:30am, before we had even finished second-coffee. Little sister stealing big sister’s puzzle pieces, big sister excluding middle sister, middle sister taking over big sister’s space, flying puzzle pieces and tears…  I guess it was just what we parents needed to ramp up our energy and face the end of break. I would even say we are now looking forward to the school routine tomorrow.

On the plus side, their bickering gave me the long-awaited opportunity to implement the “We get along” shirt (thanks for the idea, Jenn!). The punishment is that they have to wear the shirt for as long as it takes for them to figure out how to have fun together. I wouldn’t say it was a huge success, but it did stop puzzle pieces from flying.

Happy back to school!

This moment: Topple

From Soulemama: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Christmas Moments

My sister IMed me today, "How come there isn't a "This moment" this week?" Uh… because I totally forgot. I sort of shut off the days of the week as soon as the kids' school was out on winter break. I'm usually so tied to time, it's been great to just let it go, knowing that I don't have to tune back in until Christmas, house guests, and a visit to family have gone by.  

But here are a few moments from this last week: baking cookies for Santa, Christmas morning, our annual after-Christmas-before-New-Years ginger bread house making, and a wintery view of our house.

I'll be back next Friday… whenever that is.

Happy New Years!

Cookies!

I know I say every holiday tradition is my favorite, but yesterday my favorite holiday tradition arrived in the mail: my aunt and uncle's box of homemade Christmas cookies.

Every year, my aunt and uncle send cookies to relatives and friends. Judging by the number of nieces, nephews, and siblings alone, they must fill at least two dozen boxes. They also make ten different kinds of cookies - and not your plain old sugar cookies, but gourmet cookies like hazelnut biscotti, pfeffermusse, and my all-time favorites, springerele and pecan tassies.  And then, they mail them out, which always impresses me since I never go to the post office, preferring to let packages and letters sit for months until the recipient ends up visiting us or the letter becomes moot and I write a new one.  So I have great respect for people who actually go to the post office.

We have decided to share the cookies with our children this year. We haven't always, as we think it is best for a child to show a certain appreciation for fine cookies before allowing them to partake in this holiday tradition. But Katherine and Clara, who got to taste a few last year showed the appropriate anticipation and respect when the box arrived this year, so they may now join in. We'll see about Alexandra. 

This moment: Skiing

From Soulemama: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

These two

Last week, I had a day at home with Clara and Alexandra. With Katherine off at school and no plans on the calendar, we had the morning to ourselves. A nice break from our usual school-day chaos, I envisioned a leisurely breakfast and then a nice walk through the woods. A little sunshine, some very cold fresh air, and the joy of hauling two kids through the woods on a sled because in all likelihood they wouldn't be able to walk through the deep snow… I couldn't wait. I'd been longing to get into the woods all week. 

But Clara and Alexandra had other plans… it is their one morning at home together, the one morning they don't have to get dressed or all bundled to go outside, and they just wanted to stay inside and play. After all, there is so much to do…

like snuggling in Alexandra's bed with books, 

then turning it into a crib fort,

and bopping balloons that Dave hung from the ceiling, 

then building a couch fort, 

and of course, sitting by the fire to keep warm.

I didn't get my walk in the woods, but these two clearly enjoyed their indoor morning at home. 

Remembering.

The Conspiracy Game

“To inspire a new generation with the thrill of space travel, a young adult novel that adults can also enjoy. The first in a trilogy.”

Today I have the honor of posting an interview with Adam Holt, author of The Conspiracy Game.

I know Adam from another lifetime, from what I now call the “under-just-grad” days, when we had just graduated from college and were setting our path towards adulthood. We worked in the same educational center, and even though we only worked together for a few months, I remember many of our conversations quite clearly. Adam is one of those inherently wise people who really listens to what other people have to say, making it possible to have meaningful discussions despite fundamental differences in belief or opinion - a rare treasure in life. He is also the kind of person who inspires thought and self-reflection through the way he leads his life, the questions he asks, and now, the book he has written. It has been great to reconnect with Adam and get a chance to hear what he has to say about The Conspiracy Game!

Your book, The Conspiracy Game, came out December 4. Can you tell us a little about it?

Yes. First, The Conspiracy Game and I share a birthday (December 4), so that was a great present this year. In The Conspiracy Game, 14-year-old Tully Harper recounts his first adventure in space. Tired of his dad's near-death experiences on Mars and inspired by a strange vision, Tully sneaks on board his dad's spaceship and begins the adventure of a lifetime. His best friends, Tabitha and Sunjay, accompany him on this trip, which will change the fate of the solar system. It's the first in a science fiction trilogy. 

The style is accessible enough for young adults, but the story seems to appeal to adults.  My readers tell me it's funny and meaningful. They'd better be telling us the truth.

Tully sneaks aboard the space shuttle without his dad father's knowing. What kind of challenges does Tully face in his relationship with his dad?

First of all, he's fourteen years old. It's a natural challenge for adolescence--they're subjected to so much change, and so are their relationships with their parents. For Tully, that's compounded by the fact that he is withholding some enormous secrets from his father, his only parent. He loves and respects his dad but finds himself caught in the midst of secrets and lies. I remember some of those episodes in my own adolescence. 

I know that faith is a, or perhaps, the driving force in your life. How has your faith influenced your story? 

My faith in Jesus Christ underpins the things I do, whether writing, reading, or teaching. Faith has a powerful thematic impact on the story, though it's not always intentional. Many of The Conspiracy Game's themes are drawn from my life experiences with my faith: learning to love someone in difficult situations; forgiving yourself, your friends, even your enemies; trusting your parents' wisdom; trusting your childrens' insights; sacrificing for those you love. 

Also, Jesus was an amazing storyteller. He told wonderful parables, such as the prodigal son or the dishonest steward, and then gave his listeners some room to debate over their meanings. We're still debating thousands of years later, and the better for it. I love that about him, and I wanted to tell a story that captivated my readers with some important, deep truths, but left open some big questions. If you read the novel, you will see this happen between Tully and the Harper Device. 

Your protagonist is a 14-year-old boy. What inspired you to tell a story about this often difficult time of life from the perspective of the child?

Adolescence is just built for storytelling because there's such daily upheaval. For a writer, the protagonist can have the best and worst day of his/her life in a six hour period, and that's good for moving a story along fluidly. That certainly happens to Tully, and those experiences shape him noticeably by the end. His motivations shift from a fear of losing his father to a desire to help his father succeed at any cost. I love that shift in responsibility that comes at this age, particularly when circumstances make teenagers take on a larger role in their families. 

Some of my students made that transition when their families went through tough times, and I always admired them for it. At the same time, many of them were getting braces, falling in love, and watching ridiculous Youtube videos for fun. It's such an interesting slice of life.

Tell us a little about the setting of the novel - outer space. What does the landscape of outer space add to the story? 

Great question. I want my readers to appreciate and understand that magnificent landscape. Space is a beautiful place where you can float weightlessly and stare into a field of a billion, breathtaking stars.  It's also a place where a paint chip flying through space at 15,000 miles per hour could crack that window and end your life in a split second. It's a beautiful, rugged, surprising landscape. 

But part of traveling away from the Earth is looking back. I love this thought from Neil DeGrasse-Tyson: "We went to the Moon and discovered the Earth." Tully experiences such a moment as well, where he appreciates the lovely blue gem that we call home. The perspective of space travel often gives astronauts that sense of just how connected we are to one another, and how valuable and delicate our entire civilization is.

How has Tully evolved as a character from your conception of him to his adventures in this novel? 

I developed the idea of a teen space explorer first, and then envisioned what kind of person he might be. If he wanted to sneak into space, he would need to be clever and curious like Harry Potter or Odysseus. 

However, he also needed deep motivation to travel into space. After all, Tully puts his life and his friends' lives on the line to go into space. Why would someone do that? Once I began to develop Tully's backstory, it became clear. Tully is from a single-parent home, and the minute I discovered that, his motivation to stay near his dad, who he deeply reveres and fears losing, told me how he would react in most every situation.  

Will we get to read more about Tully in the future?

I couldn't give up on him or his friends now! Things just got interesting. He'll be returning in book two, The Rathmore Chaos, though I can't disclose his location. The Conspiracy Game introduces characters that will play central roles in the coming series, which covers more ground in our near solar system. 

Is there anything else you would like us to know about either your novel or your experience writing it? 

I gave up a great teaching job to write this series, and it felt terribly risky at the time; however, it has been so rewarding. If I find myself teaching ten years from now, I can imagine sitting in my classroom and saying, "Boy, I'm glad I took that risk. Tully Harper was worth it." But I could not imagine it the other way around--sitting in that classroom and saying, "Well, I'm glad that I stuck with this job and never tried to write those Tully Harper novels." Life is too short to leave opportunities on the table. 

The world is a better place when we make the most of our skills and opportunities. When they have a sense of purpose, humans do amazing things, like feed the hungry and send people to the Moon...or at least dream up ways to inspire others to do those great things.

The Conspiracy Game is available at createspace, and you can contact Adam on twitter @adamholtwrites with any questions about the novel. Adam is available for speaking engagements--in person or virtual--to discuss the writing/publishing process, human space exploration, and run writing workshops. You can also follow his writing and travel adventures at adamholtwrites.blogspot.com and on Facebook at facebook.com/theconspiracygame.

Give-away winners & a few gift ideas

Congratulations to Erica, Kim, and Elaine, the winners of one of Natasha's beautiful placemats.

Last year I posted about a few books and toys that make wonderful holiday gifts. I haven't thought much about gifts this year since we are going practical, with things like long underwear, mittens, and lunch boxes. But Santa will bring a few small "fun" treasures... 

Advent spiral & ornaments
Everyone has a favorite advent tradition - glittery paper calendars with windows to open, pockets with little surprises for each day leading up to Christmas, advent candles... We always have a glittery calendar (I love glitter) and it is great motivation for kids to get ready in the morning ("Girls who are dressed with teeth brushed can open their window!"), but we also love our advent spiral. It is a simple tradition of moving a candle around the spiral. If we are feeling extravagant, we'll put in 25 candles on Christmas Day and the entire spiral will glow. The kids spend a lot of time moving their ornaments around and counting the days until Christmas. Each year, Santa brings a new advent ornament.

Books
Alexandra's book of choice these days is I Want My Hat Back, by Jon Klassen, who also illustrated one of our all time favorites, Extra Yarn. I Want My Hat Back is a story of a bear looking for his missing hat - with a twist at the end that adults will appreciate. Excellent artwork, of course.

For those of you with kids in the young adult bracket, check out The Conspiracy Game. It was just released last week and the author, Adam Holt, is a phenomenal writer. I had the opportunity to interview him about his book and will be posting that on Wednesday!

Crafts
I'm not really one for crafts since I have no crafting ability and no patience to help kids with any form of organized project. So my strategy is to put out a few supplies and walk away. A few weeks ago we bought a box of 1000 craft sticks to boost another order up into the "free shipping" category. Huge success. All three kids have spent hours and hours creating little log houses, towers, piles glued together or to paper, dream catchers, and Christmas tree ornaments. A few sticks, some glue and paper and they are off - and they can do it without my help.

What favorite toys, books, crafts do you recommend for holiday gifts? Please share! 

This moment: Drawin'

Enter the give-away to win one of Natasha's beautiful gnome placemats by leaving a comment here!

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From Soulemama: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.