Lantern Walk

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This evening was Katherine’s lantern walk. At our old school, we would gather in a park and walk through the city-lit neighborhood, sharing with the greater community. At our new school, we walk in the darkness through the apple orchard and meadow. Two very different experiences, both beautiful and simple. I love the long line of lanterns, flickering about a foot off the ground as the preschool and kindergarten children walk along, singing the lantern song. This is one of my (many) favorite Waldorf traditions.

I go with my bright little lantern
My lantern is going with me.
In heaven the stars are shining,
On Earth shines my lanter for me.
The light grows dim as we go in
La bimbala bambala bay.

And then home to a warm dinner.

Gift Guide

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In total defiance of my “Pacing the Holiday Season” post where I claim to ignore all things Christmas until December 1st, I am starting a mini series on simple gift ideas. I justify this by acknowledging that most people (a) enjoy looking ahead to Christmas/Hanukkah in November, and (b) don’t wait until the last minute to go into a Christmas/Hannukah shopping/making frenzy. 

Each week for the next several weeks I will post about a toy, book, or homemade something that we ourselves have enjoyed receiving/giving. I will even offer my first ever “giveaway”!

The first gift idea is a book my children enjoy all year round: A Child’s Calendar, with John Updike’s poems and Trina Schart Hyman’s illustrations. The poems capture the essence of each month of the year, and I’m pretty sure the pictures depict Vermont.

I especially love November:

November

The stripped and shapely 
     Maple grieves
The loss of her
     Departed leaves.

The ground is hard,
     As hard as stone.
The year is old,
     The birds are flown.

And yet the world,
     Nevertheless,
Displays a certain 
     Loveliness-

The beauty of 
     The bone. Tall God
Must see our souls
     This way, and nod.

Give thanks: we do,
     Each in his place
Around the table
     During grace.

Most likely, it's nothing

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It’s nothing. Most likely it’s nothing. I tell myself for the hundredth time. I take a deep breath and move on. 

Five minutes later, I pause to look at my middle daughter, with her beautiful, smooth hair hanging straight. The kind of hair I’ve always longed for. She swings it off her face with a slight jerk of her head and catches me watching her. She smiles slowly. I’m never quite sure what she is thinking. She seems so tough, her thoughts are well hidden. But I am her mom and I know there is a depth in her that she doesn’t let surface for others to see. 

I suddenly feel like shrieking, She needs me! I have to be here for her.

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Pacing the Holiday Season

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November is here, the days are decidedly shorter and the sunlight thinner, bringing a chill with its warmth. November makes me happy, though. It holds all the anticipation of the holidays without any obligation or expectation. This brief moment on the edge of the season is when I feel most festive. As Christmas approaches, I find myself struggling to find my holiday spirit, feeling simultaneously overwhelmed (and disappointed) by the commercialization of the season and anticipating its abrupt end on the 26th, with only New Years to mark one final day off before the long haul until spring begins. 

Gloomy, I know. But I have found it helps to spread out our family traditions over the all three months, November, December, and into January. Most importantly, we want the season to be more than a two-month long build up to Christmas morning. Last year we made an effort to pace the build-up and minimize the let-down, and I think we all savored the season a little more. This year I hope to do so even more.

I am making an effort to pause and fully enjoy these first few weeks of November. This means completely ignoring the mass media focus on Christmas that tries to overrun Thanksgiving by bombarding everyone with “buy-more-crap-so-you-can-have-a-merrier-Christmas” advertising. Actually, that is not true. I go off on a good, long rant about consumerism, the loss of true holiday spirit, and how when I was a kid Christmas did not start a day before December 1st. Once that is out of my system, I completely tune out all mention of Christmas, including my kids’ begging me to play carols and bring out the Christmas books, and I enjoy November. A lantern walk, making candles, Thanksgiving, Katherine’s birthday.  

Then it is December and talk of Christmas is welcome. But even now, I try to make the holiday activities span the entire month. Baking cookies happens early in the month, making ornaments and Christmas tree decorating is mid-month, and gift shopping/making is usually a last minute frenzy born out of procrastination and indecision. One of our favorite activities, ginger bread houses, is saved for after the 25th. It is a three-day process (making the ginger bread, building the house, decorating the house) that fills the week of the 26th. We all look forward to it and it carries me through the days that have always felt rather empty and listless. New Year’s Day will be a family hike. 

I’m not quite sure how to spread holiday activities into January. I’m thinking maybe January will be bread making month, starting out with my mom’s delicious New Year’s bread (which every year I vow to make, and then never do), and then trying a new holiday-ish recipe each week. I just saw a Chai-Spiced Tea Loaf recipe…

And now that we live in Vermont, we’re looking forward to outdoor winter activities. For Katherine and Clara, that means ice skating (on a pond, for free) and sledding. For me, it means snowshoeing.  For Alexandra, it means riding on my back while I snowshoe. For Dave, it means shoveling snow (which is what he gets for looking at me blankly and then ignoring my question when I asked what winter activities he is looking forward to).

Halloween Costumes Part II

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The costumes were completed today, just in time. The twirly skirt, as expected, was not twirly, but the poofy, orange mesh more than made up for it. The Green Puppy Dog turned out better than expected considering I put off making the ears, paws, and tail (basically, the entire costume) until late last night. 

Here they are, the witch anxiously awaiting her friend, 

while walking the puppy.

I love Halloween. I love the creativity of costume making and pumpkin carving, the magic of going out after dark, and the fact that it is totally normal to go around to strangers’ houses and ask for - and receive - candy. I love visiting neighbors and seeing friends’ children all dressed up. I love the sense of community. I love (being) the Halloween Fairy, who comes and trades most of the candy for a few special gifts. I’m not sure how long that will last, though, since Clara claimed tonight that she wanted the Fairy to visit Katherine, but not her.

And finally, I love that Halloween feels like the kickoff into the winter season. 

Happy Halloween. Welcome November.

The Challenge of Three

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When my sister and I were growing up, our parents always made sure we each had one-on-one time with them. A trip (on the commuter train!) to the city to go window shopping, a long bike ride to the Botanic Gardens, a quick outing to get a chocolate malt at the best chocolate malt place ever, an evening walk. These outings were treasured time. We looked forward to our “time alone” and it provided a standing occasion for us to open up and talk about whatever we wanted. I credit “time alone” for the good relationship I had with my parents throughout childhood, even especially during those crappy teenage years. It’s important to me to establish time alone as part of the routine with my own children. But we’re failing miserably and I’ve decided that is my challenge of three.

As a friend said of having three, “Someone always needs something.” At first, this statement rang true on a logistical level.  “I need help with my socks!” “Nowww can we go biking?” “I want an apple, you said I could have an apple!” “I have to pee! I’m peeing!!” The requests come one after another, with pockets of quiet play lasting just long enough for me to start making plans. Cinnamon rolls, I could make cinnamon rolls. Tea! I’ll sit down and have a cup of tea! I may even get as far as melting the butter. Then, someone needs something, the butter hardens in the pot and the tea sits black and cold on the counter. 

But the logistics are manageable now, thanks to my excellent one-handed nursing, dressing, feeding, and wiping skills. I may not get to drink my tea, but I can meet those needs. The true challenge is that everyone wants and needs time alone with mom or dad. Alexandra, the all-night nursing monster, gets plenty of one-on-one with me. But for Katherine and Clara, it is trickier. We do find time alone with each of them - a hike in the woods, a walk to the cafe, an art project in the afternoon - but it is not regular and they can’t count it. I sense their anxiety in not knowing when they will have their time. I see, and share, their sadness when our time alone comes to an end, wondering when we’ll find another moment for just the two of us. Building it into the routine would be reassuring to them, and I suspect it would help on the sibling rivalry front, as well. 

But putting time alone for each child into the schedule is hard. Our weekday routine already feels full with work and school, which makes weekends our best bet for solo-kid outings. But I have to admit, it is hard for us parents to sacrifice the only time we have to parent together. Plus, family outings are fun, a time for us to all connect after a week of juggling schedules.

And so this is our challenge with three. Please, parents of many, share how you manage time alone with each child?

Recipe: Sweet Potato & Black Bean Stew

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Adapted from Vegetarian Cooking, this is a favorite in fall and winter. 

1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 medium onion, thinly sliced
1/4 cup peanut butter
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
3 sweet potatoes
4 cups (or 2 cans) diced tomatoes
4 cups (or 2 cans) black beans
2 cups corn
 

In large pot, cook onion in oil until tender. Add in remaining ingredients. Heat to boiling, then reduce heat and let simmer for 20 minutes, or until sweet potatoes are tender. Serve with brown rice or couscous. 

Because I forgot to take a picture of it earlier, here it is in the lunch-tomorrow-tupperware.

Halloween Costumes Part I

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In my mind I have lots of grand sewing projects, but I never carry them out, or even start them for that matter. I blame it on the fact that I don’t have a sewing machine, or a sewing room, or a sewing day… lots of excuses. But every Halloween I pull it together and get crafty. I have this thing about making Halloween costumes and I like that once a year sewing becomes a priority. 

This year Katherine wants to be a “Halloween Witch” and Clara requested a “Green Puppy Dog” costume. Katherine picked out some fancy Halloween fabric for a twirly skirt. She’s hoping my effort this year will result in a proper twirly skirt since last year’s Yellow Fairy skirt didn’t end up twirly enough. Clara will get felt ears and paws and a finger-knit tail temporarily sewn onto a green hooded sweatshirt. She also wants a collar (made out of the fancy fabric she picked out) and a leash so the witch can “walk her.” I’m thinking about that one. Alexandra will be a cute little teddy bear and simply wear her LL Bean fleece coveralls that happen to have ears. 

I’m not sure these qualify as “grand sewing projects,” but it is fun to put them together and the girls enjoy the process. 

Here are tonight’s efforts. I can already tell the skirt will fail on the twirly front.

 

 

Pets & Owners

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As a follow-up to last week’s post on Giving, I thought I’d share this wonderful new blog, Pets & Owners.

Fostering or adopting a pet is a wonderful way for children to help care for animals who need a home. It can teach children responsibility, compassion, and respect for other living creatures. Plus the whole family benefits from the joy a pet can bring to a home, from stress relief and exercise to a soft, loyal friend. I’ve always said a purring cat on my lap can get me out of just about any funk. 

Head on over and read happy stories about rescued pets and their owners. Send in your own pet’s story! You might even see this fine fellow featured there one of these days.

Giving

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I’ve mentioned before that I love the blog Rage Against the Minivan. Kristen is a great writer and funny. Really funny. She describes herself as a social activist and is passionate about her causes. She is one of those people who goes out and does something. She gives. 

I am passionate about a lot of things, but it tends to manifest itself in the form of strong opinions, judgments and rants. I rarely do anything. Every once in a while I’ll have a burst of generosity and give. Like the time we sponsored a goat whose milk goes to a homeless shelter, or my occasional contribution to friends’ fundraising efforts. But these are all small-scale, one-time donations. I have never made an effort to find my own cause and really commit to it. I would like to change that, and more importantly, I want my children to feel responsibility for caring for our world.

I’m not quite sure what this responsibility should look like or how and at what age it should be communicated to children. My own hesitation stems from a combination of feeling like I can’t make a difference and feeling overwhelmed by the injustices in life. How can a parent communicate the concepts behind charity and also empower a child in a way that is age appropriate? 

I don’t want to burden my young children with the knowledge of homelessness, poverty, hunger. A child with no family. A tortured and abandoned animal. A family who has lost everything. Disease. How will they understand that? Is it right to put that on a child at age five? Six? What effect does it have on a young child to know the realities of the world? 

These early years should be filled with wonder, joy, and beauty. If children grow up to cherish these qualities in life, then as adults they will fight to preserve them - for themselves and for others. But I do think community service in some form should be a part of early childhood. How does one foster compassion and a spirit of giving in a young child without asking them to carry the knowledge of devastation? 

Kristen has each of her children sponsor a child. They exchange letters, learn about each other’s culture, and develop a relationship. This seems like a nice balance. Caring for an animal that needs a home. Preparing meals for a family in need. These seem like small, but meaningful ways to engage children in caring for our world. Perhaps it is possible to keep the reality simple and matter of fact so that the child can help give while the parent carries the burden. 

I hope as my children get older it will become obvious when they are cognitively ready to take on some of the burden themselves, and simultaneously become more capable of giving.

What do you do to foster a sense of charity in young children? How do you engage your children in caring for our world? 

Ungrounded

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I’m looking for a word to describe where I am. Ungrounded is the word I think I want, but the dictionary defines it as having no basis or justification; unfounded. That isn’t quite right. The word I want is the opposite of grounded, but antonyms of grounded include afloat, adrift, drifting. Those aren’t quite right either. 

We have been in Vermont for seven weeks and it has been everything we hoped it would be. Ideals rarely live up to expectations, especially when the ideal becomes the be all end all and obscures reality. Yet Vermont’s reality matches our ideal. Perhaps we (finally) have some life wisdom and were able to manage our expectations of this ideal over the years. Or perhaps any outdoorsy place with trees and hills would have done after the intensity of our city life. Regardless, we got here and, against the odds, it is exactly what we thought it would be. 

But at the same time that I feel overwhelming relief to have finally arrived here, I find myself in that strange space in between novelty and home. The drive to Katherine’s school is routine now and I anticipate the curves in the road. If I turn down a dirt road I can generally orient myself by the main road I come out on; I have many “Oh, I know where we are!”s. People continue to be helpful, easy going, friendly, but now my pleasant surprise is an afterthought, no longer worthy of exclamation. The intensity of the newness has faded into the background. But it does not yet feel like home. 

It feels like it will be home, but it is not yet. At home I knew how our street looked through all seasons. With the arrival of fall I looked forward to that one maple tree at the playground turning a fiery red, all aglow as the sun set on it. I knew what friends to expect at the park on a cold and wet winter afternoon. I knew where all the best spring gardens were in the neighborhood.

In the midst of fall here, what was a familiar view of green from our front door two weeks ago is now a completely different scene of empty trees thinly revealing the mountains in the distance. I did not expect that. My surroundings fluctuate between familiar and novel and I have no idea what will come next, leaving me feeling ungrounded.

I find myself longing for our old apartment (the one I couldn’t wait to get out of) because it holds six years of memories. Despite all I didn’t like about city life, we were grounded there. If I could just slip back into our old living room for 15 minutes, the familiarity would steady me. My eyes would not have to adjust, I would not have to look twice at the crayon mark on the wall or the leaf collage hanging in the window. I would probably not even see them. They would not take any energy. 

I’ve been told it takes a year to adjust to a major life change. A cycle of seasons. Next year we will have memories mixed in. I will be able to look at the trees and see their beauty without it also being new. The familiar will steady me.

Slowly we will become grounded here. But in the meantime, I am left ungrounded.

BLW... a follow-up

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A few weeks ago my sister wrote a guest post on Baby Led Weaning. We have been following this method with Alexandra for several weeks now. I love the idea and rationale behing BLW. It just makes sense to me. But I have to admit it isn’t quite as easy as I thought it would be. 

Our first challenge was where to sit Alexandra during meals. She still isn’t sitting up on her own - the kid crawls, climbs stairs, and pulls herself to standing using anything available, but she has never gotten herself into to a sitting position (strange, right?). Since I don’t like the idea of putting babies in a chair before they are able to attain and hold a sitting position on their own, we started off by holding Alexandra on our laps during meals. However, she is super squirmy and seems to prefer eating upside down. She will twist and turn and arch until she is leaning way back, and then cackle with delight. Plus she is strong and it takes both arms to hold her in a position suitable for eating, making it impossible for the holder to eat his/her meal. We ended up putting her in a high chair. It isn’t great since she is tippy, but tippy is better than upside down. And Dave and I want to eat too.

Our second challenge is that she gags on everything. She gnaws on her food, softening it up quite nicely just as she is supposed to, but then she gags. And gags and gags. It is awful to watch. I know her gag reflex is forward so the food is not actually threatening to choke her, and I know she’ll get it out on her own, but I just can’t get used to the gagging. It is not at all relaxing. 

Our third challenge is what to give her at the table. It often seems our meals aren’t quite right for her… nuts (we eat a lot of nuts), soup (which she can’t really manage on her own), small bits and pieces (like beans), or uncooked vegetables that are way too hard for her to deal with (although they are great for teething). We end up giving her bread, cheese, and vegetables meal after meal when we get the impression from BLW that she is supposed to be eating what we are eating. What are we missing here?

But despite these challenges, Alexandra does love mealtime. She enjoys handling her food and trying everything. That is the point, right? As for the weaning part… well, she is not leading in that direction yet. 

What are your experiences with BLW? Do you have any advice for us?

(Alexandra has no idea she has broccoli hanging out of her mouth… it was there for a long time.)

  

 

 

Recipe: Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Cookie Scones

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This cookie is my proof that chocolate really does go with everything. I call them cookie scones because they are not super sweet and hold a nice thick shape. Plus, you can make them with whole wheat flour and dark chocolate chips and pretend they are healthy. Throw in a little extra pumpkin and you should be eating these! 

  • 2 cups pumpkin
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 cup oil
  • 1/4 - 1/3 cup agave (or 3/4 - 1 cup sugar)
  • 4 teaspoons baking powder
  • 4 cups whole wheat flour
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 teaspoons cinnamon
  • 2 teaspoons baking soda
  • 2 teaspoons milk
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla
  • 1 - 2 cups chocolate chips

Blend pumpkin, eggs, oil and agave/sugar. In separate bowl, mix baking powder, flour, salt, and cinnamon. In a little dish, dissolve baking soda and milk. Combine all. Add vanilla and chocolate chips.  Drop cookies onto baking sheet. Bake at 370 for 10-12 minutes. (This is the doubled version because they disappear so quickly)

PumpkinCookies.jpg

Even Alfred cat likes them.